Better Late then never
Its winter, and oh its a bout 9 months late but, I did make it to Newport that day. And i just thought I'd finish what happened that day, so that when I get surpersticious, next time I go to sea, I don't get bothered by the thought of never finishing my last log. I don't want that stuff lingering in the back of my head, so here we go...
I was enjoying the view of SE light and the bluffs of block island, walking around the deck all proud as to what I've accomplished, anxiously awaiting for an opportunity to share this excitement with another living being, other then whales, sharks, or seagulls. And to my delight, just as the first bar on my cellphone appeard it actually rang!!!! I was soooooo excited at first, but then quickly, very quickly, I was in disbelief. My face turned from excited to blaaaa, to sad, to frustrated, to...do I wanna pick this up? Or should I just pretend that little bar never appeared. Unfortunately it was my divorce lawyer:((((( God his voice sounded so mechanical, lika a recording, no emotion, full of fake enthusiasm that I knew all too well. How wouldn't I, after listening to it for almost a year. Did I mention I hate lawyers? He was calling to let me know the good news... "Petar, we got a hearing and looks like we're gonna be all set, I will meet you at the usual place tomorrow morning at 9am". The usual place being 5th floor of RI family court house outside of that idiots court room, yes idiot i have to say it, I don't even care, his name is Judge O'Brian. God I hate that court room. And as far as this damn lawyer....not even a "glad to hear you made it....". Wtf is wrong with that picture. I just sailed 1400Nm alone, and one wrong puff and I wouldn't even be in that courtroom??? Not to mention a storm, or anything else that could go wrong. And there's not even: "are you back yet?" Wholly crap. these people suck!!!! They do suck the life out of you. I wonder if any of them ever watched storm stories?
Gosh, the first thing I thought to my self....really? Seriously, I just spent two weeks at sea without talking to, or seeing a living soul, and the first thing I hear is this. wtf!!!!! Part of me wanted to just tack and head out to sea. And forget all my land-based nightmares, and worries, and just head to the Azores or something, or somewhere where there's no divorces or psychos or greedy people, or best yet, somewhere where there's no money yeah!!!! That would be best. God I wish it was that easy.
But then the reality set in, I have a 15 month old son, and fighting for your right to be a father is not easy in a state that gives mothers the benefit of any doubt, and a first right of refusal, sort of. Well, I turned back to sea, stared at the horizon, which was slowly disappearing into a chilly New England night, soaking in, for one last time, all of the adrenaline, and excitement of venturing to the other side. One last time, I truly felt what all the great explorers, ocean adventurers, cruisers and offshore racers feel as they look towards the horizon.
Then I turned back to the north and was blinded by flashing lights on Newport Harbor entrance. Unfortunately, my horizon is now quite different, littered with people whom never had a chance to feel what I just felt, people that don't care of my achievements, or whether I made it alive or not, people that care about one thing, and one thing only, and that is money, how much money I'm going to pay. And that includes, the judge, all of the damn lawyers, gosh there's so many of them, the counselor, therapist, private investigator, and even that crazy psychotic ex wife of mine. All of those money hungry, selfish bastards. Yes I'm back, you can now proceed to suck the life out of my vanes.
But that's ok, all that will pass, the one thing I am sure of, is that the psychos will remain psychos and find similar problems elsewhere, the money hungry will remain just that, let them be slaves to their money, the lazy will remain lazy and continue to have nothing to their name but a child support check, the greedy will die in their greed and(hopefully) forget to retire.
As for me, I have a gift, i felt something that none of them will ever feel, and even more then that feeling, I have a son(thank god it was a boy), he might be just 15 months but he's gonna make a fine explorer some day. I know all too well why I'm back here. It's that bond, that might feel weak right now, tarnished by this monster called RI family court, it might feel strange, foreign and that it's too much effort and not worth it, but all those bad feelings will go away and the bond will grow. Growing that bond gives me so much hope, and I'm already dreaming about the day when Vlad and I set sail, and head out to see. My head is clear, no confusion anymore, I'm here to do just that, follow my paternal instinct, and teach Vlad everything I know is right and just, and hope that some day he will continue where I left off. I'll see you all again in a decade or so.
I was enjoying the view of SE light and the bluffs of block island, walking around the deck all proud as to what I've accomplished, anxiously awaiting for an opportunity to share this excitement with another living being, other then whales, sharks, or seagulls. And to my delight, just as the first bar on my cellphone appeard it actually rang!!!! I was soooooo excited at first, but then quickly, very quickly, I was in disbelief. My face turned from excited to blaaaa, to sad, to frustrated, to...do I wanna pick this up? Or should I just pretend that little bar never appeared. Unfortunately it was my divorce lawyer:((((( God his voice sounded so mechanical, lika a recording, no emotion, full of fake enthusiasm that I knew all too well. How wouldn't I, after listening to it for almost a year. Did I mention I hate lawyers? He was calling to let me know the good news... "Petar, we got a hearing and looks like we're gonna be all set, I will meet you at the usual place tomorrow morning at 9am". The usual place being 5th floor of RI family court house outside of that idiots court room, yes idiot i have to say it, I don't even care, his name is Judge O'Brian. God I hate that court room. And as far as this damn lawyer....not even a "glad to hear you made it....". Wtf is wrong with that picture. I just sailed 1400Nm alone, and one wrong puff and I wouldn't even be in that courtroom??? Not to mention a storm, or anything else that could go wrong. And there's not even: "are you back yet?" Wholly crap. these people suck!!!! They do suck the life out of you. I wonder if any of them ever watched storm stories?
Gosh, the first thing I thought to my self....really? Seriously, I just spent two weeks at sea without talking to, or seeing a living soul, and the first thing I hear is this. wtf!!!!! Part of me wanted to just tack and head out to sea. And forget all my land-based nightmares, and worries, and just head to the Azores or something, or somewhere where there's no divorces or psychos or greedy people, or best yet, somewhere where there's no money yeah!!!! That would be best. God I wish it was that easy.
But then the reality set in, I have a 15 month old son, and fighting for your right to be a father is not easy in a state that gives mothers the benefit of any doubt, and a first right of refusal, sort of. Well, I turned back to sea, stared at the horizon, which was slowly disappearing into a chilly New England night, soaking in, for one last time, all of the adrenaline, and excitement of venturing to the other side. One last time, I truly felt what all the great explorers, ocean adventurers, cruisers and offshore racers feel as they look towards the horizon.
Then I turned back to the north and was blinded by flashing lights on Newport Harbor entrance. Unfortunately, my horizon is now quite different, littered with people whom never had a chance to feel what I just felt, people that don't care of my achievements, or whether I made it alive or not, people that care about one thing, and one thing only, and that is money, how much money I'm going to pay. And that includes, the judge, all of the damn lawyers, gosh there's so many of them, the counselor, therapist, private investigator, and even that crazy psychotic ex wife of mine. All of those money hungry, selfish bastards. Yes I'm back, you can now proceed to suck the life out of my vanes.
But that's ok, all that will pass, the one thing I am sure of, is that the psychos will remain psychos and find similar problems elsewhere, the money hungry will remain just that, let them be slaves to their money, the lazy will remain lazy and continue to have nothing to their name but a child support check, the greedy will die in their greed and(hopefully) forget to retire.
As for me, I have a gift, i felt something that none of them will ever feel, and even more then that feeling, I have a son(thank god it was a boy), he might be just 15 months but he's gonna make a fine explorer some day. I know all too well why I'm back here. It's that bond, that might feel weak right now, tarnished by this monster called RI family court, it might feel strange, foreign and that it's too much effort and not worth it, but all those bad feelings will go away and the bond will grow. Growing that bond gives me so much hope, and I'm already dreaming about the day when Vlad and I set sail, and head out to see. My head is clear, no confusion anymore, I'm here to do just that, follow my paternal instinct, and teach Vlad everything I know is right and just, and hope that some day he will continue where I left off. I'll see you all again in a decade or so.
posted by sundowner-cruise at 7:09 PM
3 Comments:
Why do we have to wait a decade or so?
just a gut feeling as to how long before my 2 year old son can join me. Until then, i'm gonna be working on that father-son bond.
keep up your good work and it will all turn out well my friend. It sucks that your dream got crushed for a while, but it doesn't mean that it's lost and gone forever!
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